1) Speedos: Even if you're European. With a god-like body. You can't get away with wearing the bottom half of a bikini on a beach. The same effects it has on your man sack, boys, the Speedo has on a girl's libido.
2) Mr. Have You Met My Chest? In other words, the guy who stubbornly (and regretfully) refuses to ever button his two top buttons. The fact remains: However smooth or hairy, bare chests are tacky.
3) Super-Dirty Baseball Caps: Yeah, we get that it's your lucky hat. All we're saying is, hose it down every once in a while. Otherwise, we assume your head smells. And you can imagine where we go from there.
4) Bad Spellers: We solemnly swear it's impossible to swoon when a guy doesn't know the difference between "definitely" and "defiantly." In fact, when one of our former dates said he was "defiantly" looking forward to seeing us on the night that would have been date three, he didn't so much as get to first base.
5) Tween Texters: Guess what? The same way 90 percent of communication is nonverbal, 90 percent of how far we're going to go with you has already been decided by the time we arrive at a date, and a lot of that depends on your ability to communicate. Listen: Use words. If u text us 2 meet up 2 nite, we'll assume you're in eighth grade, and, dude, that ain't legal.
6) Guys Who Order Salads: Thing is, we're having the ribs -- and if you have no appetite at dinner, we can only imagine what you'll be like in bed.
7) Guys Who Wear Rings: Class ring, and "other rings". This is just not attractive. In fact, a dude with brass knuckles would come closer to depantsing us than any guy who adorns any of his digits with anything but a wedding ring. Though those have occasionally been known to get us hot.
8) Guys Who Can't Grow a Mustache: Just give it up. It's the rare man who can pull off facial hair to begin with, and being in the running means you have to be able to grow it in the first place.
9) Shiny, Pointy Shoes: The Wicked Witch of the West called: She wants her footwear back!
10) Men Who Don't Like Animals: C'mon, a brine shrimp? How about a lizard? You must like something. But the bottom line is, if you're not feeling the love for something as undyingly loyal as a dog, we flat-out don't trust you.
(Ellen Rakeiten)
